Invader Zim & The Black Adder
by Gabriel Syme
Summary: Here it is: My first Invader Zim fic ! Yes, it's a crossover with Black Adder, but, sod it: I've yet to put it in a better place. Do r & r !
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Invader Zim, nor do I order the Black Adder series. Invader Zim is, of course, by Jhonen Vasquez. The Black Adder series is by Rowan Atkinson. Now, enough of all this !

~

The Black Adder dynasty had, for decades unto decades, centuries unto centuries, and for almost a whole millennia now, had, through hook and crook, blood and sweat, cocked-up plans, insanity, and god knows what else downright stupidity, tried their utmost, but pathetic best, to secure the English Crown for themselves. Be it Edmund Plantangent, Edmund, escort to Queen Elizabeth 1, Edmund, Butler to a young Prince George, Capt. Edmund in the British army, an Edmund, the Royal Gardener, it was always some…"Edmund" in the Black adder family who would bring disgrace to the family name by some horrid means in securing the throne, or at least, screwing it up.

The year, is 200X. Which is why we now turn to some other time, a much later point of time. This is, supposedly, modern times. In truth, it's the near future, but, humanity, being the mass lot of depraved individuals it is, has not even advanced far enough to solve even the most basic of human problems, like sharpening a bloody pencil without having to use hands or some pathetic device that could easily malfunction, or enlightening certain university students who are naïve enough to think that excessive kissing can lead to reproduction.

And it is here that we meet the latest addition to the ill-fated dynasty: Edmund Black Adder, a teacher at the local "Skool" in England.

~

"Good morning, you pathetic little bastards."

A great murmur occurred throughout the classroom, and the teacher looked on, in total disgust at the lack of civil order.

"Right then, if you do not wake up your funny ideas, right now, I will have to resort to other… methods."

The class , looking rather dull repeated the performance they gave a few seconds earlier.

Edmund gave up on the crowd.

"Fine then. Today, children, we are learning…adding."

Edmund eyed a particularly outstanding student.

Lying, on the table, was a schoolbag, filled with Heaven-knows-what (but, it couldn't be books. It was too soft and comfortable to possibly have books, unless they were all smashed to pulp), and the student had laid his head on his mobile pillow, ready to daze off at appointed intervals.

He looked rather unable that day, rather dim-witted, perhaps over some incident the night before.

"Now let's say I have two beans. I add two beans to these two beans, and what do I get ? Ralph ?"

"Some beans."

A slight murmur was heard, a bit louder than before.

"Right…. And so, if I had four beans, and I took away one, what will I get ?"

"A few beans."

This time, the animal sounds of the children grew.

"(what a bloody idiot). Alright…… now, what comes after 1, 2 and 3..."

"D."

The slow tremors of giggling had now erupted into full-blown laughter"

"(That bloody arse had better stop acting. Or maybe he IS that ******* DUMB !) Right, so, let's go back again… if I had two beans, and I added another two, what will I get ?"

"Some beans."

The laughter roared again, just as a volcano would give a second eruption, after the first.

Edmund looked on, and, as the laughter continued, he started having one of those fantasies, where by some chance, he could make himself the Prime Minister, then, hold the Crown hostage, and have himself crowned King of England.

Like that old ever happen.

Or could it ?

~

Unknown to the grim wasteworld that is the planet we apparently name after the fourth Greek element, an alien invasion had begun. In truth, it may have well be going on for some bloody years now, but, in this case, it was more prominent, and more imperialistic, and more bent on domination than the silly alien business of experimenting on cows. Our eyes now lay on a little boy, possessing an unusual green skin hue (must be the bloody pollution), who has, by some odd means, strapped himself in the interior of some unique vessel, with his pet dog.

"Come, Gir ! We are leaving this pathetic human civilisation, and moving to a new one !"

The boy uttered this with loud, arrogant enunciation, prolonging key words like "new" to emphasize it's importance.

"Awww….. I wanna stay ! I'm still watching TV !"

The dog, or rather, a metallic, over enthusiastic, rabid robot, in a canine guise, gave it's childish reply.

"SILENCE ! We are moving NOW !"

"Where ?"

"To a land of freedom. To a land of Peace. To a land devoid of annoying human worm babies !"

"Where ? "

The dog asked, nonchalantly.

"We are going to… ENGLAND !!!!"

~

BLACK ADDER & INVADER ZIM

AKA

Invader Zim gets a ticking off from Edmund

~

(plays the Black Adder tune, this time, with a techno rhythm and industrial beat, typical of the IZ series)

(verse 1)

Oh dear ! It has begun right now !

Edmund, now a school teacher,

Life was as bad as a sow,

And now, begins the real horror,

(chorus)

Black Adder, Black Adder !

Invader Zim is here !

Black Adder, Black Adder !

Now's the invasion from Irk !

(verse 2)

What, ever shall be done ?!

Here comes the real menace,

Britain has never had such fun,

Edmund had better say his penance

(chorus)

Black Adder, Black Adder !  


Both with a cunning plan,

Black Adder, Black Adder !

Both are little men !

(chorus repeat)

Invader Zim, Invader Zim,

Irk has not known such a pest,

Invader Zim, Invader Zim,

Both sides are in a mess !!

~


	2. Zim: The Hideous New Boy : Part 1

Chapter 1: Zim, the Hideous New Boy

~

5 seconds later…..

~  


"Gir, we're here ! We're finally here !!"

"Yay !"

"Yes, yes, go celebrate, but first ! We need to set up camp !"

As Zim manoeuvred his ship as quietly as he could, he proceeded to repeat the process he took a while back, on another side of the world.

As usual, a few eyebrows were raised over the sudden appearing of a house out of nowhere. But, in the case of this conversation:

'Well… would you look at that, aye ?"

"That house wasn't there yesterday."

"Who gives a damn anyway ?"

Most people would mind their own business.

As Zim resided within his own house, he knew that a new disguise was needed.

"The people of this land have funny voices…"

"I can do a funny voice !"

Gir put on a moustache, a bowler hat, revealed a walking stick, and did his best impression of a stereotypical Brit. of days of old, with a stunning recreation of an old, English accent.

"I daresay ! Fancy tea in the evening ?"

"Not that funny Gir. I was expecting something else…

Anyway, my old disguise was lousy. But, this time…"

Zim revealed a pair of ears and a nose, both made of Irken plastic, and attached them to his face at the correct areas.

Gir, however, knew something was wrong.

"What about the skin colour ? Oh, and that Irken uniform…"

"Quiet ! This is my best disguise yet ! I shall try it out soon !

I must find another place, like the Skool I was at: there, I will study the enemy in THIS area !"

~

Night time in London, and Edmund was in his bed, busy reading some comic, about a murderous man, that he extracted from the bag of a deviant student. Though morbid and grotesque, it did seem, rather, interesting.

Out of nowhere, an incessant noise broke his concentration.

"Who is this ?"

"Edmund, this is Principal Percival speaking…"

"Oh, Percy, it's you !"

"Yes Edmund ! Anyway, you have a new student…"

"Did you say a new student ?"

"Yes: a lad by the name of Zim…."

"I see: another young hopeless bastard that is going to join the ranks of this school, and will face the doomed world as it is. The sad joys of this world, I suppose."

"Anyway, he's coming in tomorrow, though his name is odd…"

  
"So, what if the name is odd ? I've heard of worse names for your bloody information."

"Well, he's coming to your class tomorrow."

~

Far, far away, in another skool, and in a different time zone, another teacher was teaching the final lesson of the day, though one student was very suspicious.

"Say.. Has anyone seen Zim ?"

"Quiet Dib: I'm teaching a class of hopeless cases."

"But Zim has been missing for a week now."

"Fine: I shall allow you to interrupt my lesson, and, thus, prevent yourself and your fellow classmates from learning one more additional fact in life, thus causing you to be more prone to failing in life.

Zim has gone off Britain. Rejoice, now that you have wasted five seconds of your life."

Dib was in speechless.

Perhaps he had wasted five seconds of his life.

~

As the school bell rung, all the young children rushed out, into the open, celebrating freedom for the rest of the day.

However, one particular student seemed, rather disturbed.

"I don't believe this…"

"What ?"

"He's gone."

Gaz didn't like the antics of her brother.

"Who's gone ?"

"Zim."

"I guess he got tired of being called an alien by you."

"That's not it ! I know it's not it ! He.. Well…"

"There."

"But, why Britain ?"

"Who cares ?"

~


End file.
